Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I FOUND THE LEGS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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