I'm lost and stupid without you.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
