...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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