omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
