You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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