HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
