You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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