I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize