Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
