He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
