I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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