Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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