I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
