i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
