What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
