oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
