I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
