I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
