i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
