If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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