If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize