he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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