Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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