it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
