She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just gargled with NyQuil
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
