So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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