So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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