Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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