Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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