Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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