people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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