I faked an abortion last night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
