i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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