I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
