I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
