Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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