Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
