Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
