imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
