he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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