non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
