I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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