Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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