a queef is a wish your heart makes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
