I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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