she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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