I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
