Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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