To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
