he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
