So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
