i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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