I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
