I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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