You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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