Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
how drunk are you?
Several
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
