I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
