I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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