just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
