fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize