the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
