after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she peed on how many people?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every concussion has its silver lining
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize