two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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