I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
