WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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