the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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