What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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