I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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